small things

so... you woke up this morning and realized your not a rock star. And, as a bonus, you discovered that your never going to be a rock star. The implosion of your illusions is so absolute, that your not sure if you should call for help or run for cover. 

The real shame is not the loss of the illusion, but the vacuum created in its absence. This little lie is whispered again and again. "You will only be significant if..." Question - WHO AM I? Answer - Not a Rock Star.

There is another way this lie comes to us. "You might not win thousands to Christ, but... you might win one who does." This is another attempt to justify our "smallness" through the possibility of unrealized greatness. We squint our eyes and pretend we see the early seeds of Gods plans. And of course, those seeds always become flourishing rock stars.

This thinking suggest that our lives are measured by their wake rather than the gospel.

So your not a rock star and your life is "small." Scripture says that the glory of God is manifested in the small things. Its the breaking of bread. listening well, stewardship etc... Significance is defined by God. He does not need you to score the winning touchdown or even coach the guy who does. He desires your affections while you pay your taxes and wash your windows. If God glorifies himself in the shredding of his son, his glory is certainly not beyond the small things of small me.

grooming

During each winter I trim our trees and bushes. Pear trees, Crape Myrtles, Red Plums, azaleas, etc... I look back at the choices I have made over the years. Each time a branch is trimmed or a limb left on I have guided the tree in a new direction. The grass seed sown last Fall is starting to sprout. The decisions made a season ago are having consequences. Some good, Some bad.

When I first acquired this property the landscape was in complete disarray. The choices were relatively simple. Cut and chop or let it die. But now I can no longer be reckless. Each cut requires thought and care. I have to consider the entire tree and the land around it. No branch can be considered apart from its environment. In some sense I must care for the landscape as it will be, and not so much as it is. Especially the youngest of the crape myrtles. They are so wild and tender. Every single choice, even the passive ones, will have lifelong consequences.

The Grass Withers

I saw a grave yard from the early 1800's this week. It sits completely surrounded by dense woods about 70 yards of a county road in Mississippi. The forest has overtaken the grounds and several large trees have fallen across the headstones. Many epitaphs comment on the Civil War. Legend has it that they were related to Nathan Bedford Forest. But who knows for sure? I am sure that each of these people had hopes and dreams, regrets and victories. Its interesting to consider how complex their lives must have been, and the number of people who buried their loved ones in that place. Most of what these people owned and invested in is now gone. Within the span of 100 years the forest has twice taken it over. Their homes, cattle, horses and nearly everything else is gone. What lives on is the investment they gave to others. We all invest. We must now ask: with what? to what end? in whom? The Grass Withers and the Flower Fades.

Happy Birthday Chapel

Today my daughter turned five. Seeing her twill the world around her reminds me of Clyde Kilby's resolutions. I have chosen #4-7 with an emphasis on 7

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.
6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.
7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."